The Ultimate Bloodbath - Of Ultimate Deathtiny
by Bob Sanders
Summary: This is the Ultimate Bloodbath! Of ultimate deathtiny... A oneshot I wrote for Moonyong98. This is my first Crack!fic, please R and R!


**The Ultimate Bloodbath - Of Ultimate Deathtiny**

* * *

><p>60, 59, 58…<p>

As the clock counted down, Katniss and the others stood at the ready, staring at the Cornucopia. The girl from five thought to herself, _"Maybe if I get a running start, I could make it over the mines!" _She backed up.

**BOOM!**

Suddenly, the boy from seven got an idea. He yanked off his tribute token and threw it at the girl from eight's platform.

**BOOM!**

The other tributes got the idea. The girl from nine didn't have a tribute token, so she just spit at the boy from ten.

**BOOM!**

Suddenly, a loud voice was heard in the air. It was Seneca Crane. "Um, please stop spitting, it's a little unfair."

The boy from five spit in the air in disgust. Then he looked down. "Whoops…"

**BOOM!**

Finally, the tributes stopped spitting.

_"Forty five seconds and only twenty left…"_ Katniss thought.

15, 14, 13…

Katniss saw a silver bow. She turned and saw Peeta shake his head. Out of spite, she spit at him. Luckily for Peeta, the countdown was over. Unluckily, Katniss lost her chance at the bow.

"Dang it!" She shouted. She ran behind Peeta and cowered. "If you really love me, prove it!" She hissed into his ear.

* * *

><p>A few tributes had already gotten to the Cornucopia. First was Cato. He walked up to the stack of weapons and picked one up. He examined it a threw it behind him. "This one?" He grabbed an enormous sythe. "Nah," He threw it behind him and it hit the boy from four in the chest. "This?" He asked the air, holding up an axe. "Uh uh," He tossed it over his shoulder and it hit the girl from three.<p>

Clove was there next. She had found a set of throwing knives and was now launching them in random directions as fast as she could. She hadn't hit anything yet. "HIAYYAHHHHH!" She screeched.

The next two to arrive were Rue and Thresh. Rue was piggy-backing on Thresh's back. "WEEEE!" She squealed gleefully as Thresh awkwardly ran.

Then Glimmer and Marvel got there. They bent down and their heads bumped together.

"What are you doing here!" They shouted in unison. Then they both grabbed a spear.

"I saw it first!"

"No, I did!"

"Guys!" Cato shouted. "There's a simple eHe way to figure this out. Who's taller?"

They lined up back to back and Cato grabbed a golden sword. When they were all set, he plunged it through both of them. "I win." He smirked as they fell to the ground.

* * *

><p>Clove had finally found her mark on Peeta's chest. He fell to the ground.<p>

"Peeta!" Katniss knelt down beside him.

"I always loved you…" Peeta breathed out.

"Here, I'll help," Katniss grabbed the knife and ripped it out. "End your pain!" She finished as she stabbed Peeta relentlessly.

* * *

><p>Clove was getting better at throwing. She had already killed Peeta and both tributes from seven. Suddenly, one of the knives she threw hit her in the back of the head. "Oops…" She crumpled to the ground with a thunk.<p>

* * *

><p>Tresh and Cato were dueling and Rue – who was still on Thresh's back – decided to help.<p>

"Go Thresh!"

"Wait!" Cato said, right at Thresh was about to smash a rock through his skull. Thresh froze. The tributes from nine a six were challenging them…

"Let's do this!" Thresh shouted. Slice, slash, crack! And it was over already.

"Now, where were we?"

"Go Thresh!"

* * *

><p>Katniss managed to make it to the bow and sniped the boy from eight and the girl from ten.<p>

"Six left…" She muttered. "That was fast…"

* * *

><p>In the other corner, the boy from three was digging up mines. "Now to cut the red wire…" He muttered. "Dang it, I'm color blind!"<p>

**BOOM!**

* * *

><p>"Oh, I'm starving!" The girl from four wandered around. "Oh look, a bees nest!"<p>

Needless to say, there were only four left.

"Gahhhhhh!"

"NOOOOO, Thresh!"

Okay, three.

Cato stood ten feet from Katniss with Rue in the middle. Rue decided to break into song.

_"How could this happen to me!_

_I've made my mistakes!_

_Got nowhere to—"_

Katniss got fed up and fired her last arrow into Rue's chest.

"You jerk!" Cato shouted. "You could have at least let her finish!"

Katniss glared at him. "I hate that song!" She retorted.

"Oh, no, you didn't…" Cato taunted.

Suddenly, a loaf of bread fell on Katniss's head. She grabbed it and took a bite then spit it back out. "Eleven's bread is stale…" She muttered.

* * *

><p>Seneca Crane stared in disbelief at the disaster in front of her. She had to make it interesting. She started pushing random buttons. The Cornucopia filled with lava, spikes lined the ground and for the grand finally, the forest burst into flames. She gawked at her creation.<p>

Then, President Snow stormed through the door with a gun. "Where's my victor, Seneca?! Where?!"

She prepared for the shot, but it never came. She opened her eyes tenetivly and looked at the screen.

Standing amidst the death and destruction was Katniss, trapped inside a protective ball of energy coming from her pin.

* * *

><p>Miles away, in district twelve, Madge grinned. "Who says cheaters never win?"<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This is my oneshot for Moonyong98. She asked for everyone goofing off, so that's what I gave her. <strong>

**If you like this kind of stupidity, let me know. I would love to do more. **

**The title was inspired by the song "The Ultimate Showdown" which I think you can find on Youtube. **

**Here's the lyrics candycanelila and I made up. **

_**"This is the Ultimate Bloodbath!**_

_**Of ultimate deathtiny**_

_**Bad guys, bad guys and more bad guys!**_

_**As far as the eye can see**_

_**And only none will survive, except Katniss Everdeen!**_

_**This is the Ultimate Bloodbath!**_

_**Of ultimate deathtiny..."**_

**Hahaha...**

**- Bob Sanders**


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